Funny Craigs List Ad

Scott & I like to check out Craigslist every now & then for some freebie bargains. Yesterday we were looking on there & he saw an ad titled, "The Loudest Vacuum on the face of the Earth". Scott clicked on it & this is what we found. It is kinda long, but way too funny not to pass on.

The loudest vacuum cleaner on the face of the Earth (PPU)

Giving away absolutely free of charge, with no lien, mortgage, or other encumbrance of any sort,
the undisputed world-record holder in the "loudest vacuum cleaner on the face of the Earth" category!
Act now to take advantage of this truly unique opportunity! "Wow" your friends with this incredible Hoover!

To accurately describe this fine piece of machinery, I will need to be rather wordy, so please bear with
me on this matter. Imagine you are on the runway at D/FW airport, right in front of one of the jet exhaust deflectors.
A Boeing 747-400 has just taxied on to the runway about 8 feet in front of you, and holds there, awaiting clearance for takeoff.
After a few short moments, clearance is given. The pilot keeps the brakes firmly applied as the co-pilot
gently places his hand on the throttles, then, in an instant, violently shoves all four of them forward
to maximum thrust; right up against the stops.

The ensuing cacophony resulting from the dissonance between the screaming whine of the turbines
spinning at ten bazillion RPM and the 65,000 MPH blast of air and choking exhaust blasting you into
the cold, sooty metal of the deflector is utterly deafening.
That is not how loud this vacuum is. It's louder.

Just as the pilot of the 747 releases the wheel brakes, and the silvery, tubular behemoth commences its
trip toward the other end of the runway and into the wild, blue yonder, air traffic control realizes they
have made a deadly mistake; they had previously cleared an Airbus A380, the largest plane in the
world, to land on the same runway, in the opposite direction! Frantically, they radio the two planes in a
vain attempt to prevent the impending disaster, but to no avail. The planes meet nose-to-nose in a gut
wrenching, mind-numbing collision. Add that noise to the already earsplitting din that was being
emitted by the first plane.
That is not how loud this vacuum is. It's louder.

While all of this is happening, the air traffic control supervisor has notified the airport's fire department
and they have rolled to the scene just as this tragedy takes place. Their sirens are blaring as they pull
up, only adding additional decibels to the already unbearable level of noise you are experiencing. Your
eardrums feel like red hot razor blades fired from a 12 gauge shotgun careening around inside your
cranium. You honestly wish a 2-ton piece of the shrapnel flying from the ruins could just catapult your
way and sever your head, putting you out of your misery once and for all. It never happens; you survive
this, the most miserable moment of your entire life, surrounded by carnage, the noise level absolutely
unbearable, with blood now flowing profusely from what used to be your ears.
That is not how loud this vacuum is. It's louder.

Take the entire scene and insert it into the humungous wind tunnel at the Chrysler factory. Run the
wind tunnel up to about 350 MPH. Take the noise you are now being subjected to, and triple it.
Now, THAT'S how loud this vacuum is.

I've had people tell me I'm wrong, that this thing is much worse than I've described, and I'm being
gentle just to be able to unload it on some poor, disadvantaged housewife in an act of masochism,
thinly veiled as generous, selfless philanthtopy.

I expect the competition for this beauty to be fierce, but if you want it, just email me and I'll set it out
on the curb for you. If you need help finding the place after I give you the address, just let me know. I'll
turn the lovely contraption on and you can follow the roar. Don't worry, it'll drown out the highway
sounds from the semis, and the traffic choppers overhead and you'll have no problem getting here,
even if you're just pulling out of your driveway in Guatemala.

Don't get me wrong, it does what it's supposed to do; it cleans the floor.
I'm just tired of cleaning the blood from the walls that sprays out of my ears when I use this little gem.

ATTACHMENTS INCLUDED!
ALLERGEN FILTRATION!
BRUSHED EDGE CLEANING!
WON'T LAST!
ACT NOW TO TAKE THIS CREAM PUFF HOME WITH YOU TODAY!

Bumbo the Flying Buffalo

We have began collecting funny saying that Gracie spits out during the day. She is really full of them lately. We decided to keep adding on to our list here as she spits new ones out.

• Sarah found Gracie & Sam digging in her purse one day. She asked Gracie what she was doing. Gracie answered, "I'm looking for a kleenex because Sam just bless-you'd all over my stuff." Translation: bless you'd = sneeze.
• When asked what Gracie was watching on TV she answered, "Bumbo the flying buffalo" Translation; Dumbo the flying elephant.
• She crawled up in mommy's lap and asked "I want some birthday kisses." So mommy kissed her all over & then gave gave her a zerbert(strawberry) on her cheek to which she commented, "and birthday spits".
• Gracie got a doll house for her birthday. We had bought it from a friend & with it came some furniture & people. We also bought her some more people & furniture. We didn't pay attention that we had bought her another set of parents. When Scott's mom came over one day Gracie had to show Mamaw the doll house. Mamaw asked, "does the baby have a daddy?" To which Gracie answered, "she has 2 daddies!" So we have a politically correct doll family & didn't know it.
• As her sisters were going out the door to go to the store for me, Gracie follows then saying, "Can I go? I need to go to the potty!" What child doesn't need to go potty in the store, our's insist on going to the store so she can go potty.

Happy Reformation Day

Do you know what October 31st is to Protestants? It is Reformation Day.

I have been so busy that I have not collected all of my favorite links to share with you about this, but a sweet friend of mine has done all of the work, so I am sending you to her blog.

Go to Mama Archer's Blog

Running the Race

The other day I was on my way home from a meeting. It was about 4:00 in the afternoon so the kids were getting out of school. I noticed 2 teenage girls who were running on the median between the 2 streets. They were obviously training for a track competition.

It reminded me of the days (over 20 years ago) when I ran track in school. I was not an athlete at all, but I could run long distance. I enjoyed it & as I watched those girls run I remembered how hard it was when we would run off campus. I remember falling a few times when our coach would drop us off miles from our school & we would have to run through fields, dirt roads & finally sidewalks to get back to the school. It was hard to run where the ground was not level. If you stepped on a rock just right you could hurt yourself...and I did a few times.

I was reminded of a great verse in Acts through all of this thinking about running.

I consider my life nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. Acts 20:24(NIV)

This is the Apostle Paul speaking & he is on his way to Jerusalem. He knew that trouble was probably awaiting him, but he knew that he had to go. His physical body meant nothing to him, he was that committed to preaching the gospel. All he wanted to do was finish the race that the Lord has set out for him to run. The ground got real rocky for him, it was never an easy race for him to run. But he understood what his purpose was, to testify to the gospel of God's grace.

How do you run your race? Do you want to quit running when the race gets difficult? Do you wish you could run on a smoother surface? Oh sweet mom, we all do. I find myself asking God, "when will this get easier?" He gently reminds me to just keep running, to keep my goal in mind and to trust him with the obstacles. It is all to His glory that I run and when I run to complete the task that my Lord has given me I can run with joy and satisfaction.

The Physical Race is how we go about in our day. How we respond to others. how we accomplish the mundane chores and errands. Do our children know what is important to us? Does our husband know that he is the most important person to us? How do you manage your day?

The Emotional Race is where we let our feeling and mind go. Do we guard our heart like Proverbs instructs us to do? What do we watch, read & listen to? It all matters.

The Spiritual Race is our relationship with our God. Do you have one? This is the most important race of all. We will not take our bodies to Heaven, but our souls will go. How much time to you spend nourishing your soul? How much time do you spend talking to your Lord? He deeply desires to speak to you & loves to hear you talk to him. do you meditate on his word, do you memorize it? The older I get the harder it is for me to memorize scripture, but I still work on it. It is such a blessing when I can remember a scripture passage that speaks directly to my need at the time.

You know when Paul went to Jerusalem, he was arrested. The Holy Spirit prepared him that prison & hardships were waiting for him, but he went anyway. I don't have the faith of Paul, but I am working toward that.

We live in very easy times in that we do not face the persecution that Paul faced or that Christians in other parts of the world face like in Orissa, India. Yes, we struggle. Our economy is failing, we are looking at the possibility of a new President that is not a godly man and I could go on. Must understand what our God given purpose is...to glorify Him by teaching his gospel to our children and others.

Run the race with perseverance the race marked out for you (Hebrews 12:1) and let God cover the obstacles with his grace & mercy.