Grasping the Goodness of God

 In 1999 I was in a very serious car accident. I had all six children with me and I was 10 weeks pregnant when I lost control of my suburban and rolled it, landing upside down in a wheat field. It was the most traumatic thing that I had ever endured and it wrecked me emotionally and spiritually.

I was consumed with depression, anxiety and flashbacks of the accident. I hardly left my house and I didn't drive for months. 

One evening I was at church for a gathering and a staff person asked how I was doing. I'm sure I said the typical, "I'm doing really good!" because then they responded with "God is so good!" That statement bothered me. Friends kept saying it when they heard what happened.  I remember thinking, "No way is he good! If he was, he wouldn't have let this happen to me!" 

Do we really understand what the goodness of God is? I know that in 1999, I didn't understand it. My thinking of God and his goodness was all wrong. 

Elisabeth Elliot said, "We can't really tell how crooked our thinking is until we line it up with the straight edge of scripture."

So, let's see what scripture says about goodness.

Exodus 33:19

And he said, “I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name ‘The Lord.’ And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.

Psalm 23:6

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 68:10

..your flock found a dwelling in it; in your goodness, O God, you provided for the needy.

Zechariah 9:17

For how great is his goodness, and how great his beauty! Grain shall make the young men flourish, and new wine the young women.

Mark 10:18

And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.

Titus 3:4-5

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,

This is not an exhaustive list of scriptures on goodness. I encourage you to go do your own word study on this. You will be so encouraged and blessed by it. 

When we feast upon the word of God we taste his goodness and are satisfied in Him!

According to these scriptures, Gods goodness is a gift wrapped in mercy (Exodus 33:19), that will follow us all our lives (Psalm 23:6), as we dwell in it (Psalm 68:10)and enjoy the greatness of it (Zechariah 9:17). We must recognize that only God is good but that it is in that goodness that we are saved by faith, according to his mercy.

God is the source of all goodness and is the measure of what good is! 

Romans 8:28 reminds that all God does in our life is for our good as his purpose for us is accomplished.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

This verse is often misquoted or taken out of context. But when you view this verse in light of what we just learned from the scriptures above it should be a little more clear. 

What is good according to this verse? This is where my thinking was all wrong because I associated this "good" with only blessings & favor, but there so much more to it. Mark 10:18 tells us that only God is good. The greek word used in this verse is the same as used in Romans 8:28. 

Could it be this "good" is meant to grow us in godliness? Could it be God is using "all things" to make us more like him? 

The answer is yes. 

I had to stop viewing the goodness of God only as what the world considers good and see it as it is...becoming more like him. Sometimes his goodness doesn't feel good, it's painful, miserable, unthinkable, unbelievable...but it is still his goodness and I'm learning to praise him for all of it.

That means our trials, adversity, excruciating circumstances are the goodness of God just as is the favor, prosperous, pleasant and happy times God brings to our lives.

This sheds a whole new light on my life as a godly woman and how I am to respond to circumstances in my life.  When I respond to trials as a  sharpening of my faith I find joy in the goodness of God.  His mercy is so great and I'm so thankful he doesn't leave me in my sin but by his goodness he has washed me clean so that I may worship him and give him all the glory!

I don't know if that staff member who told me how good God is realized how he upset me, but as I look back I'm thankful he said it. It showed me how wrong my thinking of God was. Over the next 18 months I fought and I struggled and then the goodness of God consumed me and I surrendered to him. I experienced his grace and mercy in ways I never had before. He broke me and then restored me and his joy is mine!

By His Spirit and through His goodness I can be a woman of mercy and wisdom, patient and forgiving who embraces her trials to grow in godliness.

Praying Psalm 16

I love praying scripture. I believe God loves hearing his words prayed back to him. 

Last week I shared on my Instagram and Facebook page prayers I was praying from Psalm 16.  I wanted to share them here, especially since it's been a while since I've posted here. Ok...more than a while. Let's go for 3 years. Lots of life has happened that I may post about one of these days. In the mean time....

For a week, I took a couple of verses everyday and wrote them out, then prayed them. I did this in a journal, but if you  have a Bible study notebook I also have this free download you can use.

Psalm 16:1-2

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge,  I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.”

Psalm 16:3-4

"As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips."

Psalm 16:5-6

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

Psalm 16:7-8

 I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Psalm 16:9-10

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.

Psalm 16:11

 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy;  at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

What a rich passage of scripture to help bring me into a better understanding of what kind of woman I want to be. I am so thankful for Gods Word and how it never returns void. 

Joy Happens, Especially on the Hard Days

I have a long to-do list for today. I'm so behind that I have resorted to posting sticky notes everywhere to help me manage the list.

But instead of attacking that list, I sit here, typing.




The week has been a difficult one and I need to write it out.
The challenges.
Tears.
All the emotions. All.the.emotions!
All the joy!

Friend, it's been quite a week. I remember a couple of weeks ago thanking the Lord for giving us a season of calm. Isn't he so good to give us a moment to catch our breath before he moves us towards the next lesson.

The Lord is working on one of my kids. I posted on Facebook this week that it's difficult to watch it happen. As a mom, you never want to see your kid struggle or hurt. But then again, you do want to see it. You do want to see your kid experience consequences of bad decisions. You do want to see your kid learn from stupid mistakes. But all the emotions involved are what is hard to manage.

This kid. He belongs to the Lord and this week I had to give him back over and over again. He disappointed me.  He scared me.  He made me mad. He made me cry! All in the same day.

But Joy! In the midst of my prayers for this kid, God reassures me, comforts me, reminds me that he does hold his boy very close to him, which is why all of this hard stuff was happening. God was not going to give up on this kid. That is JOY!

Knowing, God loves your kid more than you can.

Knowing He never gives up on us.

Knowing he will continue to wait until my kid comes back to him.

Knowing this gives me joy.

I wish the world could understand what real joy is! It has nothing to do with how I feel, because I have had all the feels this week. Joy is about what God is doing in my life and in my kids life and knowing it is out of his crazy love for us. And because of his joy, we can walk in confidence that His plan for our kids is so much better than ours and he is piecing together a story that could change lives!


"So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NLT)

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3 Simple Habits to Keep you Focused during Your Quiet Time

Tell me if you recognize this scenario.

You sit down with your Bible to have your quiet time and as you begin reading the scriptures and it's just what you needed to encourage your soul and then BAM...you remember you need to pick up some lettuce at the grocery store. What? Where did that come from?

You go back to reading and then it happens again, you remember that you need to return a phone call. You pick up your phone and see that you missed 3 phone calls. Stop! Focus! Seriously, why is this so hard now?

I get it. What could only take 30 minutes often turns into an hour because I cannot stay focused.

Lord, help me!

I've found a few things to do that have actually helped me to make the most of the time I spend with the Lord.

1.  Start off with prayer and a deep breath. This will quiet your mind. It can be hard to quiet down the noise in our mind that often pulls us away when we are trying to focus on scripture and prayers.

2.  Silent your phone.  I have my quiet time first thing in the morning with my first cup of coffee. So, typically my notifications are already turned off, but not always. This keeps me from checking my phone when someone text or calls me. I have to be very careful though because I often use an app for my Bible readings because I like to listen to it. I don't go anywhere on my phone except that app. If that is still too much of a temptation don't use any apps during your quiet time.

3.  Have Post-It notes or a notepad close by. When those random thoughts do come, write them down. That helps to get them out of the way. Sometimes the Lord will put certain people on your mind so you want to remember to pray for them and possibly contact them later. Write it down and move on.

They say it takes at least 21 days to create a new habit. Commit to doing this for 30 days and see if that helps you have a more focused and meaningful time with the Lord.

Facing Life with Confidence

"How's life?" a friend asked me. I cringed inside at her question. She appeared to be doing this "mom thing" so much better than I was. I felt as though I was barely hanging on, yet there she stood all put together, her children all put together. Do I really tell her  how life was or do I give her the glossy answer.
"It's great! How's life for you?" (glossy answer it is)
I was too embarrassed to let her know I was drowning in motherhood!

Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise against me, yet I will be confident.

Psalm 27:3

I love this verse. When my children were all young they were the army marching against me. At least that is what life felt like most days. I felt attacked. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't make anyone happy. I was so mean for making them do chores. I was abusing them by making them eat their vegetables and drink water instead of Kool-Aid like "their friends" did. And Heaven forbid if I made someone take a bath!

Are you there? You could probably add to my list.

How many times have you asked God, "What have I got myself into?" This motherhood thing is harder than I thought!

Ok so, I understand that when David wrote this Psalm he was actually in a life threatening situation, but the point I want to make  is where he drew his confidence from. It's the same place for us. God is our confidence!

Whether you are facing an impossible situation or you are just trying to keep your kids alive, the mindset is the same. "I can do this because God is my strength!"

God is there. He is your strength, your life, your joy. With confidence we can face whatever it is God has us facing today and know that we will survive! In spite of what we may think at times, our children are not out to destroy us and neither is God.

Motherhood is hard, but that's ok. For the sake of sounding like your mother...doing hard things is how we grow. We know this, that doesn't mean we like it. One day I will be at a place in my relationship where I can welcome with open arms the trials God brings because I know they will draw me closer to Him. I'm not there yet. I still cringe and ask "Why?!" and then I say, "OK, I trust you." But I'm still kicking & screaming a little bit inside. God knows this and still loves me anyway.

Here are some additional scriptures I keep close as reminders that God is with me and is bigger than any trial, impossible situation or cranky kid.

Isaiah 43
Psalm 20:2-5
Psalm 27:13 & 14
1 Corinthians 1:25

I have a bit of homework for you. Write at the top of the page, "God is bigger than..." Then write out your "army encamped against you". What is it, who is it that is making you feel as though there is no hope. Now at the bottom of that page write, "God is my strength, my hope and my joy! I can do all things through Him that gives me strength!" (Phil 4:13)

Put this up where you can see it. If something new pops up add it to the list. Remind yourself daily that God is bigger. He love you! He doesn't want you to just survive, he wants you to enjoy being a mother. He wants you to find joy in it and satisfaction. 

Finding Gratitude

I had thought I would do a video for this post. I'm really trying to stretch myself these days, and video's are an area that really intimidates me. I'm not sure why. I used to speak in front of hundreds of people at a time.  Anyway, I decided I would write this out because I was really afraid I wouldn't get through the video without blubbering & shedding every tear in my head.

This time of year is hard for me. There, I said it. I feel guilty for it being hard because I know that part of it is my own attitude towards our living situation right now. We still live with my husbands parents and sometimes I just don't understand why the Lord would continue to keep us here. Then there are days when I know why he has. But that doesn't make it easier. 

So, gratitude can sometimes be hard for me. 

Then today happened. 

Last night, me along with 6 other dear friends threw a Christmas party for our Young Living team members. It was so much fun to love on our team members and bless them. 

We asked each guest to bring a non-perishable food item to be donated to our local food pantry. They gave so generously and today the kids and I had the pleasure of delivering the items to the food pantry.  We pulled up to the little building and were surprised to find people already in line for food. 

The kids helped me to unload the car and as I stood there waiting to speak to the coordinator I looked at those in line. How humbling it must be to stand in line for food because you have no money to buy it. I thought to myself, "That could be us". 

You see, that was us at one time, except we never stood in line for food. We had no money for food. We tried to stretch our dollars as far as we could but it would never go far enough. I know what it is like to open my refrigerator and not see anything there to prepare for dinner. I know what it is like to go to bed at night and not know how we will eat the next day. It's a horrible way to wake up.

We had to rely on the government for a time to purchase our food. We were issued a card to use at the grocery store. It was humbling and humiliating. I felt as though all eyes were on me as I swiped that card to pay for our food. 

I can still remember the day when I left that card at home because we were finally able to buy food with our own money again. There was freedom and empowerment in that. 

While I'm thankful I never had to stand in line to get food for my family, I recognize that sometimes God uses ways to provide for us that we may not like. I was thankful we could have plenty of food, but I never liked how the Lord provided that food for us. I'm just being honest here. I thought I was being thankful. I thought because I would say with my mouth, "Lord, thank you for providing us food" that I had a heart of gratitude. But, really...I didn't. 

Gratitude is one of those attributes that leads to other attributes. When we practice gratitude we experience joy, freedom and happiness. 

We are told to be thankful! We aren't asked. I find that very important in scripture. I never find the Lord saying, "Can you be thankful?"  "Can you have gratitude?" 

No. He says, "Be thankful". It is His will! 

I think that is because he wants so much for us, he created us to live an abundant life. He came so that we may live and live life more abundantly! Yet, our attitudes so often hinder us. We are unable to experience His joy because we can't find gratitude hidden in the life he has given us. 

I am a work in progress. I'm not going to tell you I'm all there because I'm not. Obviously, because the Lord keeps bringing this up I still have a lot of work to do. But that is the wonderful part about living this life for Him. He never gives up. He's always there, waiting for us to "get it". His love never ends and his mercies are new every morning! 

I challenge you to write down things in your life right now that you would like to change. I'm talking circumstances, things happening around you. Read them out loud. Now, rewrite them and turn them into a prayer of thanksgiving. Pray them daily for 30 days. Come back here and comment on this post and let me know how you are doing. 

Did you find your gratitude?

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The Day I Quit

You know you have said it too. "I quit".
I've been quitting for years actually.
I've quit motherhood.
I've quit marriage.
There was even a time in my life when I just wanted to quit living. But I didn't quit...obviously.

Life is hard. Right? We all agree? That is not a new revelation. I am not sharing profound, mind blowing information with you. Life is hard. It is messy. It is daily.

God never promised us that life would be easy.

A few days ago I had let so many things overwhelm me. (It didn't help that my quiet time was severely lacking.) I went to bed that night totally and completely done. I was quitting my business. I told the Lord I was done. I gave him all kinds of lame excuses too. I had to use a lot of oils to get to sleep that night. My mind was so unsettled.

The next morning I read Psalm 25.

How faithful our God is to be patient with us when we lose sight of the vision He has given us. His words draw us back in, remind us of His confidence in us and the love that we can't live a day with out.

I didn't quit my business. In fact I have a renewed love for it! The Lord continues to put lovely people in my path and I am so thankful for each of them!


Psalm 25:4,5
Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

The Danger of the "What-if" Thought

Before I knew it, my heart was racing, hands were sweating and I was unable to move. All because I had a thought.
A "what if.." thought.
I wasn't facing an actual situation yet. I was thinking it into existence though and my whole body was reacting.

I was overcome with fear over something that had not even happened.

What is wrong with me? God, what are you doing?

"This isn't me." He whispered to my spirit. "I don't create fearful thoughts and worry."

And then he reminded me of what Paul said in 2 Timothy. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, and timidity, but of power, love and self discipline."

Then I opened my bible and it fell open to Isaiah 43.

Do not fear, I have redeemed you.
You are precious and honored in my sight.
Do not be afraid, I am with you.

Dear Lord, the enemy wants so badly to see me walk in fear rather than joy. He knows I am less useful to you when fear rules in my mind. Thank you for giving me the power to take every thought captive and make them obedient to you. That is my heart desire!

Her Name is Joy

As a teenager her life was reckless and her heart rebellious.

One wrong decision gave birth to more wrong decisions and eventually she became a statistic. She was pregnant, not married and still in High school.  And then she became another statistic when she saw no other way out and had an abortion. This was nothing she planned or wanted for her life.  But she saw no other way.

The shame she carried was like an over stuffed suitcase, carrying it everywhere she went wondering if others could see it too.

Her life took a turn in the right direction when she met a man who was like none of the others in her past.  She told him her secret and instead of turning away from her he turned toward her and loved her. It was a love she had never experienced before, a love that was full of mercy and grace. His love for her was healing and together they learned the important gift of God's forgiveness.

They married and had 3 children.  Even though she knew she was forgiven for aborting her baby, the pain remained and she rarely spoke of her past.

Years later when her children were grown an opportunity arose to help young women at a local crisis pregnancy center.  Her intentions were to only volunteer at the Center to help keep shelves stocked and to do the jobs no one see's.  She had become very good at doing little things that matter greatly but no one ever saw. Thankfully, the Lord had other plans for her.  Eventually she told her director about her past and offered herself to help young women considering abortion. This was a huge step for her.

Over the span of a few weeks as she worked through a Bible study in preparation to lead others through it she came to find complete healing and freedom from her past.  This freedom she experienced produced a joy in her heart that she could not describe. This joy brought healing from her past. This joy represented the forgiveness she lived in and the grace that covered her.

As she came to the end of the study she was to name the baby she had aborted. She knew exactly what name to choose.

She named her Joy.

How fitting to name this baby in such a beautiful way as if to say, "Through my sorrow, you have brought me joy".

Joy would have been my big sister.  How appropriate is it that as my own mother is walking this spiritual journey with the Lord, I am walking through my own and we are both, though walking separate paths, walking in joy.

Though our paths are different what is the same is the joy of the Lord that comes after the mourning, suffering and trials.  Sometimes it comes while still in the midst of the trials, like I have experienced.  But joy is there for us!

His joy.

This joy that brings healing, protection, causes our heart to sing and our soul to worship.

This joy is ours!

I pray as you walk the path the Lord has laid out for you, whether it is one of difficulty, heartache or ease you will choose his joy to carry you through.

If abortion is part of your past and you still struggle with healing from it, please seek help.  There are many ministries available to counsel and encourage women who once chose abortion. Many towns have Crisis Pregnancy Centers who offer counseling and most churches have resources to share.

Below are a few ministries who offer help to women.

Hope for the Heart

Safe Haven

Rachel's Vineyard

Be Transformed: Keeping our Mind on Jesus

This past week, Romans 12:2 was my verse that I was to pray everyday. And I want to be honest, I didn't do it everyday like I wanted to. I allowed my mornings to be hijacked by other things I lost my quiet mornings. But as soon as I could, I was drawing away for prayer and meditation on this verse.

 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

There are several key words that continued to stand out to me, but the phrase, "be transformed by the renewal of your mind" played over and over in my mind all week.

I had to evaluate what I spent my time thinking about, what did I fill my mind with (images, words, etc.) and what did I spend my time worrying about. It all boiled down to my mind and what it is in it.

There are several scriptures where God is telling us what to do with our mind.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Matthew 22:37, And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

There are so many more, I'll let you look them up. 

So, what is the big deal with our mind? Why does our mind need to be renewed in order for us to be transformed? I'm so glad you asked!

The  mind is the core of our being. What our mind is filled with, determines what we do, what we say, how we feel, how we respond. Nothing in us can change until our mind is changed.

I love when I find a science connection to Scripture. I did a simple search on YouTube on the science of the mind and found a short, but fascinating video that explains how our brain works. 

Now I understand why I must fill my mind with the truths of scripture.  Now I see why scripture tells us to love the Lord with all of our mind. It matters so much! This is how I can know and discern the Lord's way for me. There is so much of the world blasting untruth that if I do not prepare my mind, I may begin to believe it.

So, what happens when we are transformed by the renewing of our mind.

We can know the will of God.

We know what is right and acceptable in his eyes.

We know God!

We are transformed!

Oh Lord, I know that on this side of Heaven I will never get it right. But help me to fill my mind with the truth that you are faithful, trustworthy and worth of all praise and honor. May I experience the mind of Christ through your promises and be transformed.

Trusting Him through the Fog

It is part of our human nature. The fear of the unknown. We don't walk in the dark without a flashlight.  Faith does not come natural for us. We struggle with it. We often push it aside because it seems easier to fear than have faith, even though the fears we allow to creep in can initiate a chain reaction of fear based actions. And then we have a whole new set of problems.

In my last post I shared how I am Praying with Anticipation in 2017.  Prayer is one of those ways we prepare ourselves to be ready for what could cause fear in us, but instead we choose to trust God. Prayer brings us into the presence of God in a way that nothing else can.

January 1st I was walking our dog Ruby early in the morning. It was very foggy. Visibility was just about zero.  As Ruby & I were walking, I began talking to the Lord, not expecting him to talk back.  I know...I'm still learning what this "praying with anticipation" thing is all about.

I was basically complaining about the fog.
Lord, this is a crummy way to start the new year off. Fog so thick we can't see where we are going.
And then He began to whisper to my spirit...

Look at that fog, he said. Let that fog serve as a reminder to you that I can be trusted, especially when you can't see what is in front of you. When you don't know what direction I am taking you, trust me anyway, because I am taking you in a direction that others can't see. They don't have to trust in what I'm doing, only you do. My ways can be trusted.

WOW!!!!

My head knows I can trust God. I know his ways are perfect.  I know he loves doing new and exciting things. But my heart often has a more difficult time believing it. And I am pretty sure that is why He has me praying Deuteronomy 6:5 this week.

Until my heart is completely consumed with the agape love for the Lord, trusting him will always be a struggle.  I don't know about you, but I'm so done with struggling!

Fill me with your love oh God. Make my heart so consumed with your love that trusting you is second nature, something I don't have to consciously think about because I just do it. Help me to not fear the foggy days, but to face them with courage, knowing that you are leading me and will make my steps firm. A-men

Because She Believed

I'm journaling my way through the scriptures leading up to Jesus birth this month. I started doing it last year but never finished and this year I got off to a late start. So goes my life.

It has been very refreshing and deepened my understanding of all that God did to prepare his people for His son. I love when the Lord gives me a refreshed and new view of characters in the Bible that I have heard about my whole life. The Lord brings them alive in new ways every time! I am ready to keep it going with a new book of the Bible after Christmas. 

And then there was Mary.

The Bible doesn't give us a lot of details about Mary. We have to make a lot of assumptions about her based on the culture of the time and the events that surrounded her. The character of God also gives us some very definite hints about her character because he chose her to play such an important role; being the mother of Jesus.

But this morning as I read my scripture passage I read it as a mother, expecting my first child.

I couldn't help but let my mind wonder into the mind of Mary on that night when Jesus was born.

Wait! I can't go into labor here! I want my mother with me! I need the midwives! I want to be at home! We are in an animal barn in another town with complete strangers! The Son of God cannot be born in an animal barn! It smells horrible in here! It is dirty! God, this isn't how it is supposed to be! My baby needs to be born in a quiet, clean place where I can protect him and keep him warm, not in a barn!

I don't really know if this is what Mary was thinking, but I bet a barn was not where she expected to give birth. I'm sure she had a plan for Jesus birth. I'm sure she had idea's of where the birth would happen. Her expectations were possibly all being tossed out with the straw in that barn as her contractions grew harder as the animals looked on. And to make things worse, as far as we know, Joseph had to help deliver the baby. That was not appropriate according to culture. 

Mary was a real person with real feelings and even though she had great faith, I have a feeling she also had a lot of spunk about her. Serious spunk! Her whole life she had to deal with people who didn't understand who Jesus really was.

She could have recalled scriptures read to her by her father.

"For I know the plans that I have for you, ' declares the Lord,' plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"Many plans are in a man's heart, but the counsel of the Lord will stand." Proverbs 19:21

How many times have I let my expectations of something or someone cause me to miss out on truly experiencing God's blessings. Many times!

How many times have I let my own plans get in the way?  Many times!

How many times have I become so caught up in the chaos around me that I can't see what God is trying to do? Too many times to count.

And because she believed...

But Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. Luke 2:19

I don't think anything happened like she had thought. Actually, her life had been turned upside down for the past 10 months so I'm sure his birth didn't surprise her much at all.

Maybe that is why she was able to cherish it all in her heart. She knew who was orchestrating this world changing event. She knew God would do what he said he would do. That is why God chose her to be the mother of His only begotten Son!

Lord, give me the faith of Mary. A faith that is so solid that any plan I have is simply laid aside for your will that is always so much more exciting than anything I could ever dream.

Are You Listening?

I found this quote and it stuck with me.

As a mom, my day is full of background chatter among my kids. I usually zone it out so I can get my work done. But then there is that moment when one of them says, "Mom, did you hear what I said?"

And usually, I didn't hear them. I didn't realize they were talking to me. I was so focused on something else.

I want my kids to come to me when they need to talk. But if they are always fighting for my attention eventually they will stop coming. I work from home, and my day is full of a lot of multi-tasking.  Making sure I am available can really be a struggle at times. Creating a schedule has helped. Teaching them to respect my schedule is often a battle.

One day I observed some friends in a discussion. One friend was explaining a struggle she was having with one of her children. We were all listening to her explain a specific situation. I looked around the circle of friends as she spoke.
One was checking her phone, but nodding as if she were listening.
Another was deeply engrossed in the story, you could tell by her face.
And the last mom continued to interrupt with her own story that was made to sound much worse than the story being told.

Which mom was truly listening? The second one of course.

I have to admit, while my friend was pouring her heart out to us, I was thinking of ways to respond to her. But, when one of the moms continued to interrupt I realized that I wasn't listening to my friend anymore than she was.  I text my friend later and said, "I'm so sorry you are struggling. I am praying for you."

I never want to be like that last mom who interrupts with my own stories or ideas. I can't learn how to encourage or serve others if I don't listen to them.  I won't know how to pray for them if I don't listen to them.

But the truth is that I have been her on many occasions.

Lord, help me listen with my eyes, ears and heart so I can help comfort & encourage those you put in my path.

Are you listening?

Sunday Solitude

Lord,
My heart desire is that my way would be your way, but I know that is not always the case. Stop me. Cause my heart to grieve if my ways are not your ways. Give me clarity of mind to see your direction. You want to delight in my ways so I pray that I will be faithful to your calling, faithful to your ways, faithful to you.
Amen

I blinked...and he grew up.

I remember when I first began having babies, a sweet little old lady at church told me,
"Don't blink or they will be all grown up and you will miss it."

I didn't really care what she was talking about because I was drowning in diapers, babies and spit up.

I should have listened.

I blinked.

Little did we know that when our son left for the West Texas oil fields he would meet the girl of his dreams.

I blinked.

He brought her over for dinner and I gave her a good look over.

I wondered, "Is this the one I've been praying for?  Is this the girl God designed, created and loved just for my son?"

I couldn't help but think about these things. As a mom, you hope and pray your son will recognize God's girl for him when he meets her.

Conversations became serious after we met her.

"Mom, she's the one. I know it. I can't explain it, I just know it."

Little did we know that she was having the same type conversations with her family.

I don't remember blinking, but I did.

My little boy is gone. Now a man, bringing her home to meet her future family. Proud & smiling from ear to ear.

I love looking at this sweet girl my son has chosen and thinking, "I've been praying for you, since you were a little girl, I've been praying for you."

I feel like I am meeting an old friend I have known for years even though we have just met.

 

They stood before God and their family and friends and  committed to love each other and be faithful to each other no matter how hard life will be. And life will be hard.

I've gained a daughter of whom I love and adore. I pray for her and for him because now it is them. Instead of praying for a mysterious, unknown girl, I am praying for my son's wife, she has a name, face and a place in my heart.

I will try not to blink as much because I do not want to miss what God has planned for this couple.

Lessons from Charlie

Here is my view as I write.

Today is Charlie's 2nd birthday. Yes, I know...already!

He is very much a typical 2 year old boy. He loves to eat everything he isn't supposed to & not eat what he needs to. He is a boy of few words, but knows how to get his point across.  He is happier outside then inside (the reason for the sand table). He will take a bucket of cars over a book all day long.

Last year I blogged about the difference a year makes. The Lord has often felt very far away, but Charlie is our constant reminder that indeed he is also very close by.

I have said it many times before on here, but Charlie truly is the joy of our family. It isn't because he is the youngest.  God has used Charlie to teach our family many very important things.

1.  Dates are important to God.  15 years ago today is when the kids & I were in that horrible car accident that triggered a season of depression & panic attacks for me.  For many years we hated the date, May 7 because it always reminded us of what had happened. We do not believe it is coincidence that 13 years later the Lord blessed us with Charlie on that same day.  Now, May 7th is a day of celebration for us.

Sarah and Charlie near the site of the accident.

See the bent t-post? They never fixed it. We found Sarah laying under the post. That post saved her life. The suburban rolled over that post, bending it. She has no memory of the year before or the year after the accident.

2.  Joy is possible in the midst of difficult days.  Even though we were thrilled when we found out we were expecting Charlie, we were in the midst of a very difficult time and I was really concerned about having this baby.  I knew God had a purpose, but trusting his purpose was a totally different issue. Here is my post about what was going on at the time: You Have Given Me Greater Joy!  Little did we know the impact Charlie would make on our family. The Lord used Charlie to bring our family together during a trial that could easily have torn us apart.  He brought joy to our lives.

3.  God truly knows!  Not that I ever really doubted this, but ok...yes I have.  When I realized we would have to move unfortunately one of my first thoughts were not, "God knows what he is doing." It was more like, "Really? You are letting this happen now?" And yes.  I was upset with God.  If it were left up to me, I would never have chosen to have a baby at that time. I am so thankful it isn't left up to me. I can't imagine the blessings we would have missed out on if we had decided 10 kids were enough & made sure to not have anymore.  Charlie is proof we do not know, but God does. His timing is perfect. He could easily have given us Charlie several years earlier,but he didn't. He could have never given us Charlie at all.  In the eyes of many that would have been best.

I'm so thankful God knows what I need exactly when I need it!

When I begin to doubt God's timing or plans, I look over at Charlie and am reminded that God knows, He gives joy & everyday is important to him.  Suddenly, my doubts fade and my joy is renewed.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:12

My latest lesson?  Sitting outside with your laptop while your boys play in the sand will result in sand all over & possibly inside your laptop. Not sure that was a good idea.