Daily Rhythms for a Healthy Home

 

I am not real big on strict schedules, but I love a good routine. I love waking up, knowing what is happening in the day, but in a flexible way. I wasn't always like this. I loved my schedule. When I had a house full of tiny people it really did help me to survive the day better. I can't believe I had my day planned out in 15 minute intervals.  As time went on the children knew what to expect in the day, our schedule turned more into a routine...a rhythm that helped shape our home into a safe and healthy place to be.

Rhythm is consistent, intentional activity with the purpose of creating a specific outcome.

There are things I learned I needed to do for myself that helped the rhythm stay on track.

The Mom Rhythm

I needed to get up by a certain time each morning. I'm not an early riser by any means. Mornings have always been a struggle for me, so I'm not trying to get up before the sun, but with the sun is more manageable. Often, the night before I'm prepping for the next day. If I ever have the thought, "I'll just do it in the morning." I do it the night before if possible. Chances are pretty good that I won't get up early enough to do it that morning.

Every morning I have to read my Bible and pray with coffee. This has to happen before I check the news, my Facebook or email. I am a big believer in figure out how to make it happen.  I have struggle for years reading my Bible first thing in the morning because I struggle so hard with mornings. A few years ago I figured out how to make it happen. I listen to my Bible through an app. I am going through the Bible chronologically this year, and each morning I listen through the app the passages while I drink my coffee. Recently, I've started keeping my notebook near by because I always hear and see things I want to remember or go back and study more of. By the time my coffee cup is empty, my Bible reading is over. Then I spend time talking to the Lord.

I get dressed, even shoes. Now, I don't go all crazy and put on make up unless I know I am going somewhere besides Wal-Mart, but I am dressed enough that if I have to leave quickly I don't have to worry about what I'm wearing.  I have arthritis in my feet, so wearing shoes actually helps me get through the day with less pain. But I noticed that when I wear shoes and get dressed I am also more productive. It's crazy how that works.

I eat. How many times have you gone about your day and forgot to eat? I do that. I make sure in the mornings that I eat. It's helped me in 2 ways. First, I need the nourishment. I make a smoothie or I eat eggs with toast. I have energy and don't get grouchy.  Second, I take a lot of supplements. If I eat, I remember to take my supplements. If I don't eat, I don't take my supplements.

These four things are what I need to do for myself so that I can make sure the rest of the home functions well.

The Home Rhythm

I manage my home. What chores need to happen today? What laundry needs to be done. Do we need groceries?  This is the rhythm I really depend on. When I miss a beat here, I feel like things are falling apart. 

The things mentioned above are assigned days to help us remember to do them. 

Right  now, Thursday is my grocery day. That changes when it needs to depending on our schedule. 

Everyone has a laundry day so that no ones laundry piles up. It has to be washed, dried and put away all in the same day.

I only have 3 kids left at home and they are older, so the house doesn't get destroyed like when they were all younger. So, keeping the house tidy is so much easier now. But everyday, we do a little and that helps keep things manageable. One day we clean floors, another day bathrooms, another day bedrooms.

The School Rhythm

Since we homeschool, that is always happening everyday in one way or another. Bible, Language Arts and Math happen every day. Mondays and Wednesday's we focus on History, Tuesday & Thursday we work on Science and Friday is our co-op day. Monday through Thursday, we have certain subjects we do before lunch and subjects we do after lunch. My goal for the day is to be finished by 2:00. It doesn't always  happen and sometimes we are done before lunch., Those are the really good days. 

We are much more relaxed now than I used to be. When I had more kids in school, our routine was much more tight and planned out. I had more kids I needed to teach, so keep that in mind.  

Our daily tasks may change but the rhythm doesn't. It is meant to be relaxed, organized and productive.  Doing these things on a regular basis has helped all of us to create healthy habits that in turn create a healthy home. 

ADHD is not a Disorder

We are on a new journey with our son Sam. He is our #10 kid in the sibling line up and is 7 years old.

Sam is sweet, sensitive, funny, creative and just all around wonderful.  When Sam was a toddler we noticed when he played with his brothers hot wheel cars he lined them up perfectly and sorted them according to color or size.  Strange for a toddler to do this, but we just chalked it up to being a little OCD, plus we thought it was cute.

When I would bathe Sam and rinse his hair, he screamed.  Every. single. time.  From the time he was a baby if I poured water over his head, he screamed.

Sam has always hated clothes.  He insisted all tags be cut out of his shirts. I hated doing this.  But I needed him to wear clothes so I did it. Same with his socks. He often would wear his shoes without socks because they bothered his feet.

School was a disaster for him last year.  He was supposed to be in Kindergarden. We barely got anything done.  It was obvious to me he wasn't ready & since he is the 6th boy I have homeschooled I knew that often my boys are just not ready until 1st grade to structured academics so I stopped pushing it.  When we started this year it wasn't any better, in fact it was much worse.  Tantrums are not something Sam has ever done, but he was doing them very well now.  Running away from me when he couldn't remember how to say his phonic sounds. Banging his head on the table or hiding under the table became an everyday thing. Hearing him say things like, "I wish I was dead." or  "I don't want to be here anymore" broke my heart.

I made an appointment with a special doctor at our Pediatricians office for an evaluation.  She was wonderful and spent a lot of time with Sam asking him questions.  She had me fill out a questionaire.  Once it was all said and done she agrees with me.  Sam is ADHD and has Sensory Processing Disorder.  She wanted to send Sam for a more detailed eval but we haven't had the money so we have taken what she said and tried to come up with a plan.

This so called diagnosis isn't really life changing for us.  Josh was ADHD & Dyslexic.  Ashley was ADD & Dyslexic.  But it is the sensory issues that have brought more disruption than anything else.  It is another new normal for us.  It is a new mindset towards his behavior. His "episodes" are not always because of rebellious behavior.  He isn't just picky. He isn't trying to be difficult.  There is more to it than that & I am glad we finally know what it is.

Sam & I enjoyed a smoothie after his appointment.

What I thought were cute little querks about Sam are more complex.

He is old enough now to put words & explanation to these querks and I am getting a glimpse into this sweet little boys distorted mind.  He is full of anxiety & fear.  He is afraid of the unknown...who isn't?  But his mind tries to convince him of things that are completely untrue.

When I would pour water over his head in the bathtub he thought I would drown him.  When I asked him about it he said, "I know you would never do that, but when you pour water on my head I think I will drown and that scares me."

He is super sensitive to touch.  No tags in the shirts.  Socks are often wore inside out because they bother his feet. He hates the way his hands feel when he runs water over them to wash his hands. He hates sudden loud noises. He doesn't like for people to touch him, but he will touch anybody, anytime he wants. He won't eat if he thinks someone else has touched his food or if his food will make his hands dirty.

When Sam was a baby, I could put him in a baby wrap & wear him.  He loved it. Even if he wasn't sleepy, if I put him in it, he would immediately calm down and go to sleep.  Now, when he is upset or acting out all I have to do is come up behind him, wrap my arms around him and hold him tight and he calms down.


So, what are we doing?

The first thing we did was change his diet.  Taking high fructose corn syrup and dyes out of his diet made an immediate difference.  He is sugar sensitive which means when he has sugar or other sweetners other than Agave syrup or Stevia he becomes hyper and sometimes aggressive.  He says, "Sugar makes me crazy".  I am looking more deeply into the Feingold diet to see if this is something we can do that will help him even more.

Next we are using essential oils to help him calm down and focus.  They are working & we love the results.  Through Young Living we are able to get oil blends that were formulated specifically for hyperactive kids.  When he is overwhelmed or feeling very down (which often leads to agressive behaviour if left alone) I can have him inhale an essential oil and it helps him a great deal. More about this later.

Next, we never ever tell Sam there is something wrong with him or that he has a disorder. Because he doesn't. I know other's may disagree with me here, but Sam does not have a disorder. He is ADHD & has sensory processing issues, but I do not see those as disorders.  He has an opportunity to learn how to do things differently & handle life circumstances differently than someone who isn't has not been diagnosed.

We praise him when he does really well, we discuss everything about his day that went well, we discipline when we need to and do not let sinful behavior go. We treat Sam no different than we normally would, except that now we know there is something driving him besides just being a typically little boy.  We know that often he acts out and doesn't understand why he did it.

One day when Sam & Gracie went to the store with me there were some boys who were looking at Sam and whispering.  Sam thought those boys were talking about him and got very upsetto the point of crying.  Every isle we went on he was afraid of those boys being there, no matter what I said.  As we were walking out of the store he says to me, "Mom, I don't understand why I did that.  I know those boys wouldn't hurt me.  Why did I cry?  I couldn't stop crying." That made me very sad for Sam.

Some days are good.  Some days are bad. Some days we just take it one minute at a time.  We already live like that so it's all good.  Sam is still my sweet lovable, huggable little boy who loves to climb up in my lap and kiss my face.  I'm thankful for the challenges because they are preparing us for more challenges.  I'm thankful for the good days because they are good.

Always Be Prepared

Last month was the 3^rd time we had to take Charlie to the ER since January 1^st.  Never have we been to the ER so many times with one child. Poor little Charlie,  he has had a very sick winter with RSV, stomach bug, respiratory infection and whatever else a baby can catch this time of year.  Last month, he dislocated his elbow.  HOW?  I have no clue, but he did. Actually I did it, but don’t know how.   So, needless to say I am learning some new things thanks to all of these trips to the ER.

1.       Always take a shower before bed, never think you can take it the next morning.  Every time I decided to shower the next morning we ended up taking a sick baby to the ER before I could shower.  Thank goodness for pony tail holders, baseball caps & perfume.

2.       Keep snacks & a water bottle in the diaper bag.  2 of the 3 times we went to the ER during a meal time.  Thank goodness today I had some trail mix stuck away in the bag because Scott & I were hungry & there were no vending machines in sight.  Plus who wants to pay $3.00 for a tiny bag of pretzels?

3.       Keep a journal at home.  On our first ER trip Charlie had RSV. When my baby was gasping for air and the nurse was asking me when I last took his temperature, how high his fever was and when he last had Ibuprophen I couldn’t remember a thing. If I had written it down and brought it with me it would have made things much easier.   I write stuff down now just in case I have to tell it to the Pediatrician or ER doctor.  Plus it really makes me look like I’m on top of things. J

4.       Be patient.   It is so easy to want to demand quick treatment when your baby has been sick.  You are tired from staying up all night and all you want is for your child to be ok.  ER trip #2 we sat in a waiting room for 3 hours on Martin Luther King Jr birthday with hundreds of other sick people, tempers were flaring.  It was a long wait, especially when you have a sick child.  The staff was working as fast and as efficiently as they could.  We knew that & waited, even though I really wanted to stomp my feet & yell, “Hey do you even care my baby is sick?”.  When we were finally taken to a room, we waited some more.  It was getting old, but getting upset about it would not help our sick baby any at all. 

5.       Be prepared to shine for Jesus.  Even when you are the patient (or your child is) we can shine for Jesus by the way we respond to others or speak to them.  Every time we have been in the ER the Lord gave us opportunities to talk about Him with others.  Scripture says to always be prepared.

“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. “ 1 Peter 3:15

When Christ rules your heart and mind others notice even if they don’t really know what they are noticing.  Do others see something different in you?  Do they see a hope and joy they rarely see? 

Our family has been through a lot in the past 2 years and is still going through it.  I will never forget when someone asked my oldest daughter how she could be so upbeat and joyful when our family was experiencing such a difficult time.  Without missing a beat she responded with, “It has to be the Lord carrying me through this because this is the hardest thing we have even been through and yet I know he has our backs.”  I love that!  My 20 yr old daughter, in the midst of difficult days, was living out the joy of the Lord & her hope was grounded in Him and others noticed.

Are you prepared? 

Do others notice a hope in you they don’t have?

Do you know someone who has that hope that you want?

Sweet Mom, Jesus is the author of the faith that makes that hope & joy possible.  I pray you know him as personal friend and Savior and learn to choose His hope and joy.  It is there for the taking.

Stress-free Mom is a Happy Mom

I once took pride in my routine.  I knew everyday what would happen.  I knew what kid did what chore. I knew what school lesson would be taught.  I knew what part of the house would be cleaned.  I knew what errands would be done & who had an appointment or event to go to.  I knew what was going on.

Then we moved.  All of that went away.  I could have created new chore charts and school schedules, but I thought we would move again soon so I just put it off.  Here we are 17 months later and still living with Scott’s parents.  I thought it was time to get things back in order, or I knew I would lose my mind (what is left of it).

Our 5 oldest are 17 to 21 years old.  The oldest 2 don’t live with us, so that leaves the 17, 18 & 19 year olds here.  They are super busy with work and school and it is really hard to keep up with their schedule’s.  So, I found out about a free app for our phones that has become an easy way to keep up with them.

COZY.com  This has been a huge help.  We use the calendar more than anything else & I don’t pay for it so keeps it simple too.  We have one login so everyone can easily add their schedules in.  They can install the app on their phone & it will send them reminders.  I even have a widget on my laptop desktop so when I turn my computer on in the morning I see who has what going on.  LIFESAVER!  Of course this requires they actually put their work schedules in the calendar & often my sons can’t  do that because… well….they are boys & that would be too difficult to actually type numbers and letters that are not directed towards a friend or girl ((insert sarcasm)).  But my daughter has it down & she is like me…needs an updated calendar to survive.

Now I have the older ones under control (can you hear me laughing?) I decided it was time to get chores going again.  My kids were becoming quite accustom to not helping around the house again & I just couldn’t have that.  So, Scott & I decided to not just bring back the chores, but also a small allowance to help motivate.  We have been against this in the past, but he has ulterior motives.  He is also teaching them how to save their money & designate it for different things.  Dave Ramsey has some awesome methods that we have followed for years & we want our younger ones to learn how to use them now just like our older kids do.

So, as I am making yet, another chore chart & find on Pinterest the most amazing thing!  Another smarter & more creative mom than I, printed her list of chores on magnetic paper!

This brilliant mom printed the chores out on the magnetic paper & then posted them on the frig.  EAch child had their own list & as they did a chore they simply moved it down the list. So easy & so amazing how my kids feel accomplished when they can move those chores down & see the list of “Chores to do” grow smaller. As their list of “Already Done” chores grows so does their allowance.

Here is what mine ended up looking like.

I only did the 3 younger kids.  The other two older boys (13 & 15) just do whatever their dad says to do when he says to do it.  No chart needed. LOL!

I printed out a page with the 3 colored columns.  I laminated it, but the magnets weren’t strong enough to hold so I had to print another one that wasn’t laminated. The only thing that was not magnetic was the paper they put the chores on.  They liked having a picture of themselves over their chores too.

The next thing I did was write up menus for meals.  I had done this before, but didn’t stick to it.  This time, since I am not the only one cooking, I didn’t assign meals for specific days.  I just made a list of possible meals for the week & then bought the food needed to make those meals. If the recipe was new I printed it out at the beginning of the week.  That way, when my mother-in-law is getting ready to make lunch (because that is the meal she always makes so I can do school with the kids.  Isn’t she wonderful?!) She just has to look at the list of meals & see what she wants to make.  We work together on this.  She & I both plan out the meals and even though I do most of the grocery shopping she often fills in the gaps of what I forget to buy.  I am living the dream!

Such simple things have helped to bring the early beginnings of order & routine back to my day.  We are finishing up school for the year so I will get to establish a whole new routine once school isn’t part of our day. (kids jumping for joy!)

Charlie is finally into a routine of 2 naps a day and going down on his own in his bed. Yipee!!  This helps so much!  Now if I could just get him to sleep all night, my life would be perfect!

You may not need routine as badly as I do, but I’m always so amazed at how even the smallest bit of routine can ease so much of my stress.  And we all know that a stress-free mom is a happy mom!