Thank you!

First I just have to thank those of you who have emailed & let me know you are praying for our family while we walk this most difficult road.  You really have no idea how much that means to us.  On those really difficult days I have asked the Lord if he hears your prayers, he must because I can feel myself being lifted above all of this.  I still wake up some mornings wondering if all of this is real.

I just thought I would give you a brief update on us.  We really are doing OK.  It is still hard living away from my husband and older kids, but we go back & forth a lot so we never really go more than a week or so without seeing each other.  Thank goodness for unlimited texting & Facebook!

25 weeks

I am 28 weeks along now so my prenatal appointments are every 2 weeks as long as my doctor doesn't find another reason to have me come in or another doctor to see.  Since I am 40 years old & have had so many babies that puts me in the high risk category so I get to have sono's done by a high risk doctor to make sure our little bundle of boy is growing right...which he is.

Originally, our oldest daughter was living with Scott & our 19 & 17 yr old daughters were living with a friend from church.  We thought this would work better so Ashley could help to take her brothers to work since her sisters don't have their driving license yet.  Quickly, I figured out that our 17 yr old, Morgan really needed to be with me or her dad.  Since I am so far away & she has multiple commitments in our church we knew she needed to be with her dad.  I prayed the Lord would work this out & he has. Ashley got a new job as a live in nanny and moved in with the family last week. Now Morgan has moved in with her dad and very happy to sleep on a couch and share a bathroom with her dad.  It never ceases to amaze me how my kids really do want to be with their parents no matter how uncomfortable things may be.

In addition to the scripture the Lord continues to use to strengthen my spirit, he is also using 2 blogs to encourage me & help me keep things in perspective.

A Holy Experience comes to my inbox & Ann Voscamp's words never cease to amaze me.  She doesn't know me personally, but the Lord has used her blog posts on so many occasion's to encourage me.




The other blog is that of a friend. Her blog helps me to keep my days in perspective.  I am living without my husband most of the time & missing him terribly, but I can pick up the phone & hear his voice anytime I want to.  My friend can't. She lost her husband right before Christmas & she continues to blog very honestly about what her days are like trying to go on with 3 small children.  I can't get through most of her posts without crying, but it doesn't stop me from reading.  Mary writes at Grasshopper Momma and I highly encourage you to check her blog out.

Thanks for the prayers, thoughts & emails.  I am continually blessed by my readers!

Family Pictures...always an adventure!

Just thought I would post our latest family picture.  It is a couple months old, but with us living in separate places still it is as recent as you are going to get.

So it was taken at my parents house on their front porch.  My brother is the photographer & he had his work cut out for him...get 12 people to look & smile at one time.

My brother was patient though, even when my husband decided to act up.

Finally, we got it!

And then I was done!

Is it Really Worth It?

Are you tired?  I am too!

This mom stuff is so daily!  Everyday my kids want to eat.  They want to wear clean clothes (well, some of them).  They even want me to sit down with them & play a game or listen to them read to me! They demand so much of me!

In addition to their expectations of me, they fight & argue.  They have problems for me to help them solve.

And if I remotely care what the Lord thinks about me as a mom I have their hearts in my hand as I walk with them daily and must seek His guidance.

This is too much!

Ok, I am being extremely sarcastic, but there is a lot of honest feelings there too.  I have days when I am just not up to the MOM title.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! Psalm 126:5

So much of what I do as a mom seems to be done in doubt as to if it is even worth it.
Is anyone listening to me?  Does anyone even notice that dinner is hot rather than cold?  Does anyone noticed that I sat for 2 hours matching that giant basket of socks?
Did anyone hear our Bible lesson on being kind & compassionate?


They don't always see me when I am praying for them.  They don't hear my conversations with the Lord about them (that is a good thing.).


Many of my tears have been shed out of worry that my kids will grow up to be total losers.  OK, loser is a strong word. but you know what I mean.  Does anything I do really matter?


YES
I love Psalm 126:5.  It is my reminder that all of this is worth it!  Motherhood is so hard.  It is daily work.  You don't get a break.  But this verse reminds me, even though I may be sowing in tears, one day I will reap with shouts of joy!


The heart of my kids is worth every tear I shed when I know that they are walking in the truth of Jesus Christ.  But I can't forget that it is when my own heart is focused on my God that I can then be an example & impression on my children.  God's grace & mercy runs thick in mothers & for that I am so thankful.


I'm still tired.  I still have days I don't want to do this.  But thank goodness I'm not in this alone!  Even when I fail, my God is there.

You Have Given Me Greater Joy!

"You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and wine." Psalm 4:7

I thumb through my son's Bible, not really looking for anything in particular, just flipping pages and I stop on this verse.  I loved it & posted it on Facebook.

Then I began really thinking about it and how true that verse is in my own life.  For those who follow me on Facebook, you may already know of the most recent trial my family is going through.  I have debated on whether or not to even blog about it because I still struggle with the reality of it.

Many of you know that our family has struggled financially for quite a while, but the Lord has always provided what we needed just when we needed it. We have learned to go without many things that years ago I thought were necessity.  In October we faced a possible situation that we really hoped that God would intervene quickly in, but he didn't...at least not the way we wanted Him to.

Due to months of very little (if any) income we were no longer able to pay our rent or other bills & knew we would have to move very soon. The problem was that we had no money to rent another house.  Our only solution was to move in with our parents.  Since we have such a large family that meant that we would have to split up our family because no other family had enough room for all of us.  We hoped, prayed & cried out to God many times to not let our family be split up, but He was silent.

It has been about 6 weeks now and our family continues to live separately.  I live with my parents and have our 4 youngest children with me.  My husband is living with his parents and 4 of our older kids live with him and 2 of our older daughters live with a family in our church.  Definitely not how we wanted to live.  Not what we expected to happen.  But here we are. Living 2 hours apart.  Oh & don't forget...I'm pregnant.  Crazy stuff huh?

So, back to my verse I found.

In the midst of all of this I still know where the source of my strength & joy comes from.

I won't pretend that things are easy.  They aren't. I have days where I am really done & just want my family back together.  And then there are other days that don't seem so bad at all.  But overall,  I see God at work in my life & the lives of my children. That brings me joy. I still cry about this occasionally, but that is OK.  God knows this is hard for us. This has not stolen my joy.

I look forward to what God is getting ready to do in our family!  That is my hope!

I thrive off of the strength that He gives me daily.  That is my joy!

I know that He has not forsaken my family, He is at work.  That is my salvation!