There was a time in my life about 10 years ago when I wanted to leave my life. It was a daily struggle to not give in to my selfishness, get in my car and drive off, not really caring that I was leaving behind a husband and seven kids. I was depressed. I was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of a serious car accident I was in & completely responsible for. My life was not what I wanted it to be. I was a mess and I wanted it all to go away.
"Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest-
I would flee far away and stay in the desert."
David really wanted some different circumstances; he was done of being on the run, pursed by Saul and his men. He was tired and wanting some rest.
I remember when I was in the midst of my depression, just wishing I could close my eyes and it would all go away and if it couldn't go away, then I could just go far away from it. I never wanted to kill myself and I especially never wanted to harm my children. I just wanted the darkness that I lived in to go away and leave me alone, just like David wanted his enemies to stop chasing after him.
Of course we know that over time, God answered David's prayer, but it is his prayers during that difficult time that has always encouraged me most. In that same chapter David says,
"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." (vs22)
I don't think David was hoping he was giving some good advice there, he knew his God and he knew that he is always faithful to uphold those who love him. He experienced it over and over again, so he knew that even though his enemies continued to chase him down, his trust was in his God.
In our lifetime, we will experience things that we never dreamed we would experience. We will see things we never wanted to see and hear things we never wanted to hear. Things will happen that could cause us to doubt if God is really able to take care of us. The enemy loves to cause us to doubt the love of God.
When you are in the midst of a difficult time what is your response?
David wanted wings like a dove so that he could fly away and get out of his circumstances, but he didn't stay in that mindset. He moved on and claimed the promises of God; God does not let the righteous fall.
If you can relate too well to what I am describing then here is what you can do. This is no magic formula, no step by step plan to a better life, just basic,simple words of encouragement.
Go to the Father.
He already knows all about what you are going through. He knows your pain. He wants you to go to Him. He wants you to cast your cares on Him. If you need a tangible way to do this, write down all that you see as wrong in your life, everything that you wish would go away. After you write it down, read it out loud as a prayer and tell God you can't handle this, you need his help. Then, burn the paper. Then trust Him to handle it in His time & in His way. You may not agree with how He handles things, but He is God...remember that.
Everytime you try to worry about those things (because you will), remember that you gave it to God, it isn't your problem anymore.
Go to the Word There are a lot of really great books out there than can help you, but none will help you like the Holy Word of God will.
Read it.
Meditate on it.
Memorize it.
Copy it down.
Pray it.
Believe it.
Depression is not a daily part of my life anymore. I don't want to run away anymore. Is my life easier? No way! In fact in many ways it is a lot more difficult than it was 10 years ago. But now I know something I didn't know before. I know that when my hope & trust is completely in my God, he will not let me fall. He will hold me up. He will strengthen me to endure unbelievable difficult days.
David's last words in Psalm 55 were like putting an exclamation point at the end of a very important sentence.
"But as for me, I trust in you."
Who do you trust in?
