The text message I received reminded me of what I had tried to forget. My daughter was still living a life distant from the Lord.
My heart sank as I read the message. My emotions began to kick in and take over. I was angry, disappointed, embarrassed and so very sad. I wanted back the days when I could make her stay home and do what she was told, but those days are over. She is an adult now. Her choices are hers, which means so are the consequences. But that doesn't ease the pain.
I wanted to yell at her, "What are you doing?". I wanted to hold her and tell her I still loved her even though her choices were hurting her family. I wanted all of this to just go away. I wanted my daughter back.
I had text my daughter, "I will never stop fighting for you". There was no response from her.
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"Lord, what do I do? There must be something I can do!" And in his quiet, yet powerful way he responds with, "You need to be still and let me fight for you. She belongs to me."
You would think that would give me peace & calm my anxious heart, but it didn't. I still wanted to fight back. I still wanted to do something. And God was telling me to be still.
I woke up this morning still sad over the events of the last several days. I was exhausted from the emotional stress of it all. My prayers felt empty and worthless, but I keep praying. "Lord, help me to be still. I want to trust you to end all of this in your time." And this was his gift for me this morning.
What an amazing God we have to care so deeply for each of us. A God who always leads us in triumph! A God who always wins!
I'm not feeling very triumphal these days. I'm feeling more like a failure as a mom because my daughter continues to make dangerous decisions. But, I am reminded that when I begin to take the blame and shame of what she is doing, I am giving Satan a foothold in this. He hates it when I rest in my confidence that God is in control. He hates it when I don't let this bring me down and steal my joy. He loves it when I am up all night worrying about her and wondering if she is ok. He loves it when I am so distraught I can't function normally in my day. I hate that I have given him several small victories lately.
How wonderful is it that in spite of what is going on, we can be confident that we will be triumphant because God is leading us there.
I don't know how long our daughter will wander away from the Lord. I pray everyday that today is the day she returns. The only way I can make it through this is knowing that in spite of the heartbreak and anguish I continue to experience, my God is leading me in victory and it will be through my own weaknesses that he will be glorified. My prayer is that God is glorified through my whole family in all of this, even through my wandering daughter.
This could easily steal my joy! But, I stand on his promise of victory & choose to live in today and not worry about tomorrow.
Do you have a wandering child? How do you pray for your child? What Scripture has God given you as comfort and strength as you wait for your child to return?
God is faithful and his mercies are new everyday! Rest in him & pray for your child like you have never prayed before!
