Monday, February 6, 2012

In Whom I Trust

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."Psalm 91:1,2

While meditating on this verse two words jumped out at me.


"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High..."

One who dwells is one who has fixed themselves in one spot.  They stay there.  They don't move.

They stay in the shelter of the Most High.  They stay under his protection. It is intimate and personal.  It is His Protection because he is God Most High.

El Elyon


"He who dwells....will abide in the shadow of the Almighty"

One who has fixed herself in His shelter becomes a part of His every move.  There is no where He moves in my life that I am not a part of.  I walk in His shadow. I dwell in His protection.

He is my God Most Almighty. 

In whom shall I fear? Surely not my circumstances.

I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Do I trust him?  If I am dwelling & abiding with Him, I can't NOT trust Him. Yet, my flesh is still there.

David knew this when he wrote this.  He knew that he couldn't doubt what God was doing or allowing to happen and still abide in His shadow.  He made a choice to trust.  He made a choice to set aside his fleshly doubt & fears & chose to trust his Almighty.

Lord, help me to set aside my flesh and trust you.


Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Big Birthday Dress Up

Here I am in all my pregnant glory!  Horrible picture, but it is the best I can do right now.

All is good with me & baby except that my back now hurts constantly, but that is how I roll.

So, I just had a birthday & it was a big one!  Somehow, I always knew I would be pregnant on my 40th birthday. I finally made it to 40 as my husband puts it. He has been there for a few years now so it felt like forever waiting for me to join him. :o)

Speaking of my husband, I have I told you how wonderful he is?  Well, he is.  With our lives so crazy now he planned the perfect birthday for me.  He took me away for the weekend.  Just the 2 of us!  Special dinner & hotel was planned.  He knows me so well.

So, the dinner was at a special place and my usual clothes of sweat pants & t-shirt just wouldn't do.  Thankfully, I did have a maternity dress that I thought would work great.  I was so excited to get dressed up for a night out with my man!

I tried the dress on a few days before our weekend to make sure it would work.  It would, but it was a little low in front so I needed to buy a cami to go under it.  At my parents house, there is only a Wal-Mart within 30 minutes.  Everything else is in Tyler & that is much farther.  So, the kids & I took off to Wal-Mart so I could buy a cami.  I didn't pay a lot of attention to what kind I bought, I just bought the biggest one I could so it would go over my belly.  It wasn't until I was actually putting it on at home did I look at the tag.

I got it over my head & my arms through when I realized I might have a problem.  I looked at the tag which said in big bold letters...


Really?  My tummy doesn't need slimming...everything else on me does.  I finally got it over my pregnant breasts & then FINALLY over my belly.  Took a while & a little jumping around in circles to get it on all the way.  I looked in the mirror & it looked good with the dress.

But then I realized that even though it was smoothing out my rolls, it was also pushing down whatever it couldn't hold in.  Have you ever squeezed a balloon that is blown up in the middle?  What happens to the air you has to go somewhere.  Yep, I was looking like a balloon being squeezed in the middle.  I suddenly had MASSIVE saddlebags on my hips & my butt was looking funnier than normal.

No problem!  I'll get some pantyhose to smooth out the rest.  I haven't worn pantyhose in a really long time, but I just knew that would fix my problem.  Ya know...some things just can't be fixed with spandex & Lycra!

 I soon realized that I couldn't breathe with this tummy slimming thing on and the baby must have felt squeezed too because he started trying to stretch out.

I examined the cami again & realized there were 2 layers to it.  The inside layer was the "slimming" part.  No problem, I will just cut it out in the front.

Now I had to take it off so I could fix it.  Taking it off took a while & more jumping around & spinning in circles (why I spin in circles...I have no idea) before I finally got it off.  I cut out the inside layer & stuck it in my suitcase.

A few days later we are at the hotel & it is time to get dressed for my special birthday dinner.  I had packed the special jewelry my daughter made for me along with my extra dose of "gotta hold it in" under garments.  As I got dressed I kept thinking of how great I would look for my husband.  He had gone to so much trouble to make these arrangements & the least I could do is look as sexy as possible in spite of being 7 months pregnant.

First I put on the pantyhose.  Like I said, I haven't worn them in a really long time & my belly made it quite difficult to put on.  I really don't have the right words to describe to you how I got them on, but I did...and I got them over my belly.  But not easily. About this time I'm thinking about how glad I am I cut out the 2nd layer on that cami.

Then I put the cami on.  Yes, there was more jumping around in circles.  Thankfully, Scott didn't see any of this going on.  He was in the shower.

The pantyhose made the cami slide up so I had to tuck the cami inside the hose to keep it down.  You see, the dress showed EVERY seam, crinkle, roll & I was trying to not show any of that. I had a slip, but the belly was too big & it didn't fit anymore.

I finally got it all on, multiple layers of lycra and all.  Stood back & looked in the mirror & thought I was looking pretty good.  Scott agreed. He had no idea what I had just gone through to look this good for him.

We were soon off to the restaurant and it didn't take me long to realize I was in trouble.  I was held in so tightly by the layers of lycra that I couldn't breathe very well.  When our food came, I couldn't eat either. I watched Scott enjoy his steak while I nibbled on mine & finally asked for a box. I spent most of the evening waiting to get back to the hotel so I could shed the lycra and breathe again.

All in all, it was a great evening, especially once I got out of those hose & cami.  We enjoyed our time together and I will always remember my 40th birthday very well and laugh about my layers of lycra.

By the way, I gave the cami to my daughter.

Lesson for me is always read the tags carefully & never try to squeeze into something your body won't go into.  It just isn't worth it!


Thank you!

First I just have to thank those of you who have emailed & let me know you are praying for our family while we walk this most difficult road.  You really have no idea how much that means to us.  On those really difficult days I have asked the Lord if he hears your prayers, he must because I can feel myself being lifted above all of this.  I still wake up some mornings wondering if all of this is real.

I just thought I would give you a brief update on us.  We really are doing OK.  It is still hard living away from my husband and older kids, but we go back & forth a lot so we never really go more than a week or so without seeing each other.  Thank goodness for unlimited texting & Facebook!

25 weeks
I am 28 weeks along now so my prenatal appointments are every 2 weeks as long as my doctor doesn't find another reason to have me come in or another doctor to see.  Since I am 40 years old & have had so many babies that puts me in the high risk category so I get to have sono's done by a high risk doctor to make sure our little bundle of boy is growing right...which he is.

Originally, our oldest daughter was living with Scott & our 19 & 17 yr old daughters were living with a friend from church.  We thought this would work better so Ashley could help to take her brothers to work since her sisters don't have their driving license yet.  Quickly, I figured out that our 17 yr old, Morgan really needed to be with me or her dad.  Since I am so far away & she has multiple commitments in our church we knew she needed to be with her dad.  I prayed the Lord would work this out & he has. Ashley got a new job as a live in nanny and moved in with the family last week. Now Morgan has moved in with her dad and very happy to sleep on a couch and share a bathroom with her dad.  It never ceases to amaze me how my kids really do want to be with their parents no matter how uncomfortable things may be.

In addition to the scripture the Lord continues to use to strengthen my spirit, he is also using 2 blogs to encourage me & help me keep things in perspective.

A Holy Experience comes to my inbox & Ann Voscamp's words never cease to amaze me.  She doesn't know me personally, but the Lord has used her blog posts on so many occasion's to encourage me.

holy experience

The other blog is that of a friend. Her blog helps me to keep my days in perspective.  I am living without my husband most of the time & missing him terribly, but I can pick up the phone & hear his voice anytime I want to.  My friend can't. She lost her husband right before Christmas & she continues to blog very honestly about what her days are like trying to go on with 3 small children.  I can't get through most of her posts without crying, but it doesn't stop me from reading.  Mary writes at Grasshopper Momma and I highly encourage you to check her blog out.

Thanks for the prayers, thoughts & emails.  I am continually blessed by my readers!