Sunday, March 16, 2014

When They Leave

I knew it would like this. But I didn't know it would be like this.

When my kids were all little I would hear older moms remind me to enjoy these days with my kids because one day they would leave. There were days, of course, when I thought they would never leave.  But there were even more days when I knew they would and I did not look forward to that day.

Since we homeschooled, my kids have always been with me. My days were filled with moments with my kids, good & bad of course. I remember watching them play together, fight together, eat together, just be together and would treasure in my heart those moments because I knew...someday...they wouldn't always be together.

I'm here. I have arrived.  Actually I arrived about 2 years ago, but it is really setting in now.  My kids are growing up and leaving home.

When we had to move 2 years ago, Sarah moved in with friends.  That was hard, because I didn't feel like she was ready but it was a situation that was out of our control.  She loves the family she is with and they love her being there.  BUT...she is only 10 minutes away and visits often.especially around dinner time.

A few months after we moved, Ashley was offered a live in nanny job...20 minutes away. So, she moved in with the family and now we only saw her on the weekends. 6 months later that job ended and she took another job as a live in nanny an hour away.  So, now we rarely see her.  It took a while to get used to her not being around. It was hard on momma.  Still is.  I love when she visits, because we just don't get to see her enough. Thank goodness for Facebook and cell phones because she is only a call or text away.

I never expected my girls to move out before they got married.  I had hoped they would live at home until that happened.  But it just didn't work out like that, and I am still learning to be ok with that.

When your little boys start to grow up something happens.  They stop wanting & needing mom as much and start needing Dad.   I was all good with that when my boys started pulling away from me.  But the God given desire to leave & start their own life...that I haven't not been as good with.  Once again, I knew it would happen.

Josh has been gone 2 weeks now.  He and a friend of his drove out to West Texas looking for a job on the oil fields.  The day before he left it really began to settle in that he was moving really far away.  No weekend visits. No stopping by for dinner. He would be gone.This week he finally got the official word.  He starts his new job on Tuesday.  I'm proud of him for stepping out like this & leaving.  He has already made friends with a family out there who are letting him stay in their RV until he can afford his own place.  Leave it to Josh to move 5 hours away from Momma and find another momma to cook for him.  I'm tellin' ya....that boy is smart!

So many thoughts run through my head with my older kids gone.
What if they get in trouble.
What if they get hurt.
What if they get sick.
What if they run out of money.

The goal of motherhood is to prepare your kids to leave your home. I can only hope I have prepared them well.  But at this point of their life I just have to trust that  I did and leave it all to the Lord.  I know that when I left home I didn't know what I needed to know.  I learned it.  I taught myself to cook, clean, keep a home.  So, I know they will be ok.

We got a text from Josh a few days ago. He & his friend had not heard back about the job they had applied for so they applied somewhere else and were immediately hired.  At first thought we thought this was great, until he told us the company has the worst safety record of all the oil companies out there. They went to the orientation and began watching the safety video's.  Josh told us in the text.
 "I began to feel sick. I knew something wasn't right. I had this feeling we needed to get out of there fast. As the man began to talk to us I could hear the Holy Spirit telling me we needed to leave and never come back. So we did"
Can I just tell you this Momma was so proud of her boy, knowing he could still hear the voice of the Holy Spirit.
The next day, the first company they applied with called and said they start Tuesday.  I'm so thankful God revealed himself to Josh, once again, and reminded him that He has it all under control.

I don't like my kids leaving me.  But I do know the Lord is watching them.  They are not out there alone.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

You Can't Fix Him

I had had it!  He didn't care.  I was convinced!

 I was so frustrated with my marriage. My husband wasn’t meeting my needs and it didn’t matter what I did, nothing changed.  We seemed like two cars, going in the opposite direction.

One night, around 2 AM, I woke up & couldn’t go back to sleep.  I was so bothered by my husbands’ lack of affection & attention to me.  On this particular night I couldn’t sleep so I started to pray for my husband.

  When all else fails pray…right?

“I just can’t get Scott to wake up & realize how he is not meeting my needs & I would really appreciate it if you would tell him to do these things for me. I just feel so lonely and frustrated. You are God. Tell him to buck up & be a man lead his family and take care of his wife. I can’t fix him, I need to you to do that!

 As I prayed, telling God what I needed from my husband, my prayer shifted from me and onto Scott.
“I LOVE him so much God.  He is a wonderful father and an even better husband.  He loves you more than he loves me.  Thank you so much for giving him to me.  What does he need from me?

The words were barely out of my mouth before the Lord began to fill my mind with a long list of things my husband needed from me.  I got up and went in the other room so I could write these things down.  I looked at this long list and began to weep.  I understood now.

How could I expect my husband to do anything for me when I was not meeting his needs?  I expected him to do for me what I would not do for him.  I wept and asked God to forgive me and help me to act on these things that God had showed me. 

Part of my list:
o   tell him you appreciate him,
o   tell him you are proud of him
o   tell him he is a great dad
o   Thank him for being a fantastic husband.

What was not on my list?
o   More sex
o   Wash his clothes
o   Fix his dinner

God knew what he needed even if Scott didn’t know. And it wasn't Scott that needed to be fixed...It was me!

Over the next few weeks I worked on the list.  I tried hard to encourage him and bless him with positive words.  I noticed something after a while.  He was meeting my needs.  He was doing many of those things that I wanted him to do and I had never mentioned any of them to him.

Now, when I begin feeling needy I examine my own heart and actions towards my husband.  Many times I am the one who needs to shape up.  I ask the Lord to help me be faithful to my role as Scott’s wife.  It isn’t easy, but I am always blessed by the results.

Proverbs 31:11. 
 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.  
She will not hinder him but help him all her life.