Tuesday, March 4, 2014

You Can't Fix Him

I had had it!  He didn't care.  I was convinced!

 I was so frustrated with my marriage. My husband wasn’t meeting my needs and it didn’t matter what I did, nothing changed.  We seemed like two cars, going in the opposite direction.

One night, around 2 AM, I woke up & couldn’t go back to sleep.  I was so bothered by my husbands’ lack of affection & attention to me.  On this particular night I couldn’t sleep so I started to pray for my husband.

  When all else fails pray…right?

“I just can’t get Scott to wake up & realize how he is not meeting my needs & I would really appreciate it if you would tell him to do these things for me. I just feel so lonely and frustrated. You are God. Tell him to buck up & be a man lead his family and take care of his wife. I can’t fix him, I need to you to do that!

 As I prayed, telling God what I needed from my husband, my prayer shifted from me and onto Scott.
“I LOVE him so much God.  He is a wonderful father and an even better husband.  He loves you more than he loves me.  Thank you so much for giving him to me.  What does he need from me?

The words were barely out of my mouth before the Lord began to fill my mind with a long list of things my husband needed from me.  I got up and went in the other room so I could write these things down.  I looked at this long list and began to weep.  I understood now.

How could I expect my husband to do anything for me when I was not meeting his needs?  I expected him to do for me what I would not do for him.  I wept and asked God to forgive me and help me to act on these things that God had showed me. 

Part of my list:
o   tell him you appreciate him,
o   tell him you are proud of him
o   tell him he is a great dad
o   Thank him for being a fantastic husband.

What was not on my list?
o   More sex
o   Wash his clothes
o   Fix his dinner

God knew what he needed even if Scott didn’t know. And it wasn't Scott that needed to be fixed...It was me!

Over the next few weeks I worked on the list.  I tried hard to encourage him and bless him with positive words.  I noticed something after a while.  He was meeting my needs.  He was doing many of those things that I wanted him to do and I had never mentioned any of them to him.

Now, when I begin feeling needy I examine my own heart and actions towards my husband.  Many times I am the one who needs to shape up.  I ask the Lord to help me be faithful to my role as Scott’s wife.  It isn’t easy, but I am always blessed by the results.

Proverbs 31:11. 
 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.  
She will not hinder him but help him all her life.