The Battle of Motherhood

2 Corinthians 10:3-6 {The Message}

^3-6 The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

I'm in a battle.  It's a battle for my children. Not a day goes by I don't see evidence of Satan waging war against my family. The temptation is to fight the worlds' way. 
Worry.  
Fret. 
Become fearful. 
Interfere.

But 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 reminds me of the truth.  We don't fight our battles like the world does. 

When I see one of my kids on a path that I know cannot end in a good place, my temptation as a mom is to interfere, voice my opinions & just flat out get in the way of what God is trying to do in their life. It is hard to resist doing this. And to be completely honest, most often this is my first reponse.

But what is the Lord's way?

Psalm 37 has the perfect recipe for how to fight the battle of motherhood the Lord's way, & not the worlds way.
Psalm 37: 1

Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong.

The best way to fight is by not worrying about the outcome.  Know that God is ultimately in control of this & he will win!

Psalm 37:3,4

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 Take it to the Lord.  This may sound "churchy", but it isn't.  It should be the habit of every Christian to take their worries & trials to the Lord before they do anything else.  Trust that the Lord cares more for your child than you can.  His love is deeper than yours, which I know is very hard to imagine.  But when I understand this & rest in it I am better able to trust the Lord with the life of my child.

Psalm 37:5,6

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.

Commit to do things the Lords way. Once we trust the Lord can fight for the life of our child better than we can, then we are able to commit our ways to him.  Every mother wants to stop their child from making stupid mistakes, but often they need to make those mistakes to feel the sting of the consequences.  Often I have prayed, "Lord, this is what I want to do, but I want my ways to be your ways so please help me to trust you completely." 

Psalm 37:7

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Be still & wait.Oh, I think this is the hardest part.  To be still.  To do what we feel like is nothing.  When we see our children hurting or in trouble our momma bear instincts come alive.  But the Lord often calls us to be still.  This can make no sense unless you understand who the battle is really against.  The enemy wants nothing more than for you to interfere with what is really going on.  The enemy wants your child to turn against you and the Lord. And he would like nothing more than you use you to make that happen.  But when we are still, and let the Lord fight for us and patiently wait for Him to bring our child back; we disable the enemy.

Psam 37:8

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;  do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Here is another reminder to not worry and don't get angry.  It is so easy to get angry at our children or at those who are causing them hurt. When we let our emotions lead our decisions that only leads to more wrong decisions. It only interferes more with what the Lord is trying to do.  We have to remember though the enemy fights ugly, our God never loses!

Psalm 37:34

Hope in the Lord  and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

Never lose hope!  Never stop praying for your children.  Never stop trusting the Lord will bring your child back to him.  It's so hard. I know that.  I have days when I am tempted to believe the lies of the enemy, that my child is gone for good.  But the Holy Spirit always comes back to remind me that he loves my child more than I ever could and is at work though I might not can see it.  
The enemy will be destroyed.  We are promised that many times in Scripture.  In fact, that moment Jesus returned on the 3rd day after dying on the cross marked the eternal defeat of Satan.

I encourage you to look to the Lord for the salvation of your child. Let him become your stronghold rather than the world.  The victory belongs to the Lord and to you!  You can do this! Run to the Lord the cling to his promises.

For more encouragement visit my Facebook page: JoyMoms

The Wandering Child

The text message I received reminded me of what I had tried to forget.  My daughter was still living a life distant from the Lord.

My heart sank as I read the message.  My emotions began to kick in and take over.  I was angry, disappointed, embarrassed and so very sad. I wanted back the days when I could make her stay home and do what she was told, but those days are over.  She is an adult now.  Her choices are hers, which means so are the consequences. But that doesn't ease the pain.

I wanted to yell at her, "What are you doing?".  I wanted to hold her and tell her I still loved her even though her choices were hurting her family.  I wanted all of this to just go away.  I wanted my daughter back.

I had text my daughter, "I will never stop fighting for you". There was no response from her.
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"Lord, what do I do?  There must be something I can do!" And in his quiet, yet powerful way he responds with, "You need to be still and let me fight for you. She belongs to me."

You would think that would give me peace & calm my anxious heart, but it didn't.  I still wanted to fight back. I still wanted to do something.  And God was telling me to be still.

I woke up this morning still sad over the events of the last several days. I was exhausted from the emotional stress of it all.  My prayers felt empty and worthless, but I keep praying.  "Lord, help me to be still. I want to trust you to end all of this in your time."  And this was his gift for me this morning.

What an amazing God we have to care so deeply for each of us.  A God who always leads us in triumph!  A God who always wins!

I'm not feeling very triumphal these days.  I'm feeling more like a failure as a mom because my daughter continues to make dangerous decisions.  But, I am reminded that when I begin to take the blame and shame of what she is doing, I am giving Satan a foothold in this.  He hates it when I rest in my confidence that God is in control.  He hates it when I don't let this bring me down and steal my joy.  He loves it when I am up all night worrying about her and wondering if she is ok.  He loves it when I am so distraught I can't function normally in my day.  I hate that I have given him several small victories lately.

How wonderful is it that in spite of what is going on, we can be confident that we will be triumphant because God is leading us there.

I don't know how long our daughter will wander away from the Lord.  I pray everyday that today is the day she returns.  The only way I can make it through this is knowing that in spite of the heartbreak and anguish I continue to experience, my God is leading me in victory and it will be through my own weaknesses that he will be glorified.  My prayer is that God is glorified through my whole family in all of this, even through my wandering daughter.

This could easily steal my joy!  But, I stand on his promise of victory & choose to live in today and not worry about tomorrow. 

Do you have a wandering child?  How do you pray for your child?  What Scripture has God given you as comfort and strength as you wait for your child to return?

God is faithful and his mercies are new everyday!  Rest in him & pray for your child like you have never prayed before!

Series: Raising Amazing Teenagers ~Part 3

Here is the 3rd post in my series on teenagers. I know there will be at least one more, maybe two. This post covers very basic, but important qualities; honesty, laziness & friendships. Proverbs is my favorite book for parenting guidelines.  You can read part 1 & part 2, if you missed them.

Honesty is the only policy

Proverbs 12:19, Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment. Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.”

Every child is going to test the limits of their parents and often that is done through lying.   We did our best to teach our kids lying will only make life harder for you.  Even if parents don’t find out you were dishonest, the Lord knows and there will always be a consequence.  It also helps to have a house full of siblings who are always watching and will rat on you.   

 “Truthful lips endure forever” .  I used this verse as an example to my kids if they tell the truth all the time, I can believe what they say all the time.  But if I catch them lying, then I will always doubt what they say to be true.  This rang true one time when my son needed me to believe him as he explained a situation where he was being blamed for doing something that he really didn’t do.  Even though I defended him to the extremely mad parent who was standing on my front porch demanding my son replace the broken phone her son said my son stepped on, in the back of my mind I doubted my son’s story.  It wasn’t until months later when that particular friend admitted that my son didn’t break his phone.  It took time for my son to earn back the trust of his word because he had lied to me I the past.  He learned the importance of honesty all the time, no matter what.

Laziness is not an option

The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor. Proverbs 12:24

If everyone is working to help mom get ready for company that means everybody.  If one kid decides they are not in the mood to clean and they want to play video games instead…that just didn’t work for me.  I never wanted my kids to be comfortable watching others work around them.  They needed to get involved and help.  And once again in a house full of siblings, if you try to be lazy you have to deal with the others, and that is never pretty. J Tackling the laziness resulted in curbing attitudes of entitlement.  The kids who learned the important of work were also less likely to feel they deserved whatever they wanted.

Friends are important so pick godly ones. 

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20

We homeschool our kids and always have, so this has made it a little easier to make sure my kids had good friends when they were younger.  But when we moved from the country to town into a neighborhood all of a sudden I had no control over my kids friends.  They loved everybody & brought everybody over!  I was ok with that, I loved having my house full.  But, I quickly realized these kids were coming from very troubled homes; things my kids took for granted, these kids didn’t know were possible, like a home cooked meal every night or mom and dad living together and liking it that way. It didn’t take long to see the importance of creating some boundaries.  My kids could play with those kids, but only at our house or out front of our house.  They were not allowed to go into their homes.  They were never allowed to spend the night or go anywhere with the kids out of our neighborhood.  At first my kids didn’t understand these boundaries but over time they realized why we were doing this.  It was to protect them.  As teenagers & older they better understand now the importance of godly friends.  This has been very difficult for them and often they find themselves alone in a room full of people.  They each have at least one special friend of whom they can depend on and I am thankful for that.

Teach your children the importance of good friends who love the Lord.  

Series:Raising Amazing Teenagers Part 2

Here is the 2nd post in a series about teenagers.  Click here for the first post.

Raising teenagers doesn't have to be a nightmare.  I think we can avoid much of the drama usually involved with teenagers if we will follow Biblical standards starting when they are young, instead of waiting until they are older.

We taught our kids the importance of simply being kind to each other.

“A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.” Proverbs 11:17

Siblings are going to argue, fight, bicker…whatever you want to call it.  But I can’t stand it.  Instead we tried to teach our kids to honor one another.  This was simply putting others before yourself; doing something nice for them, just because you want to.  This eventually became the key to them being kind to each other.  I still hear the bickering sometimes, but I also see and hear a lot of kindness.

 “Can you hand me that book?”

“Thank you”

 “Can you help me do this?”

My teenagers are nice to each other.  I didn’t know that was possible!  It is a blessing to me & others when I see my big kids doing nice things for each other.  

Collin is 17 and just started his last year of High School.  He has taught himself a great deal about auto mechanics.  When he was younger, my husband taught him the basics and that sparked an interest that Collin has taken to a higher level.  So, it is to our great advantage when one of our cars has a problem, we know Collin will figure it out.  His sisters bring their cars to him and often he has stayed up late at night, or spent long hours under the hood on his days off to make sure the car is fixed right.  He learned when he was young the importance of taking care of your family first and you know that makes this momma proud when he does that!

We taught them the importance of hard work.

“Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.” Proverbs 12:11

Our kids have always had chores to do.  They are part of our family and they live in our house, therefore they will help keep the house.  It is not just mom’s job or dad’s job.  Everybody has to help.  This accomplished many things. 

It gave them responsibilities.  

It gave them ownership of our home. 

It taught them the value of hard work and the rewards.   

When they chores were complete correctly they were then free to play.  When my husband managed rental properties and someone would move out, the house would need to be cleaned really well and often repainted & minor repairs made.  We all helped him do this.  The girls and I would go through and clean and the boys would help dad make the repairs and everyone would paint.  We didn’t know how much this was teaching our kids until they were old enough to have their own jobs.  Helping dad was not an option.  Work was never an option.  Now my 5 older kids all work for other people and are respected and admired for their hard work ethic.  

Also, once our kids turned 13 we bought them a cell phone but they had to start earning money somehow to pay for the service.  The girls would babysit or be a “mommy’s helper”. Often the boys would mow yards for people in our neighborhood.   If our kids wanted name brand clothes that we wouldn’t buy, they knew they needed to save their money to buy it.

If they wanted their driver’s license they needed to be able to pay for the insurance and gas.  Once they had their license they saved their money to buy their first car.  Yes, we did not buy them a car.  I think it would be a lot of fun to buy my kids the kind of car they want, but when our kids had to work for it and pay for it their selves they developed an attitude of ownership they wouldn’t have had if we just gave it to them.  Plus, my kids love to tell their friends, “Yep, I bought it with my money & it’s all mine, no payments!” So, our driveway does look like a used car lot with 5 extra cars parked in it, but I am so proud of my kids for their hard work & determination.

There is a generation of young adults now who have an unbelievable attitude of entitlement.  They believe they deserve to get whatever they want and they want it now!  We really wanted to combat that as best we could and teaching our kids to work for what they want has helped a lot.  We didn’t give them whatever they wanted growing up, they had to earn most of what they received. 

The next post will cover qualities vital to becoming a responsible adult.  We want our kids to eventually leave our home and to be known by their peers as trustworthy, hardworking adults who love the Lord.  Stay tuned!

Series: Raising Amazing Teenagers

This is the first in a series of posts on teenagers.  I have avoided blogging about teenagers much because honestly, most of the time I had doubts we were doing anything right. But, since no one has been convicted of a felony or spent time in jail I decided that was a big plus and I would share a little of our experiences with our teens. (That was a sarcastic statement by the way). I don't know how many posts I will get out on teenagers, but I hope they encourage and show that even when the parents aren't sure if they are doing it right, the Lord has it all under control.

Before my husband and I were married we did what every engaged couple does.  We discussed having a family.  We talked about how many kids we would have, even what we would name them.  We decided 5 kids would be perfect for us.  We didn’t know anyone else with that many kids and thought it would be a lot of fun to have a houseful of kids.  Little did we know that God had more in mind for us.

Our first five kids were born in less than five years. Number 5 was born in February and number 1 turned five in May.  I had no clue God would give us our five kids so fast!  The Lord spread out the next 6 kids over a span of 14 years.  Yep, that makes a total of 11.  God double blessed us beyond what we thought was possible.  Isn’t that just like God.

So, when our first 5 kids were little, well-meaning family and friends had many warnings for us. The most common was,

“Wait until they are all teenagers!  Then you will find out what real parenting is about.”

So the day came when with each year we added another teenager to the list.  And to my surprise I absolutely loved having teenagers!  It was nothing like people had warned me about.  This dreaded stage by so many parents was for me a time of great joy and so much fun!  

It’s possible to enjoy your teenagers.  It doesn’t have to be such a difficult stage to go through.  But, it also doesn’t just happen. It takes hard work by the parents.

The making of an amazing teenager begins when they are born. We didn’t decide to teach specific principles to our kids when they turned 13.  It started when they were born. From the beginning we held our kids to a higher standard than our culture does.   It wasn’t an unattainable standard. It was based on their maturity and abilities and most importantly it was based on Scripture.

Culture says, “Kids will be kids, don’t expect too much.” We knew differently. We knew our kids, as teenagers, were able to make a big difference in the world around them if given the opportunity.  We used the Bible as our guide and that is the standard we held our kids to. 

Next time, I will write about what standards we set for our children, that lead to more responsible teenagers.